I feel like I am not a good mom. Currently I work PT for the summer, and well today I am home alone with Noah all day. Typically, my Mondays and Fridays that I am off my husband is home with me, but today he is back to work (he is teacher, so he gets his summer's off). First, I feel like a bad mom because today is a tough day...I feel like I just can't make him happy. He is currently crying in his swing because I put him there because he is tired. He refuses to nap in his crib, and well, he needs to sleep because he is miserable. He fights his sleep so terribly bad, and it would just make him so much happier to SLEEP!! This seems to be a very common problem among moms/babies, as I read through the parenting board I frequent there must be at least 5 or more sleep vents/issues/suggestions per day. Second, he is going to daycare tomorrow. He is going to an in-home care provider, and well, I am extremely anxious and I feel like a bad mom for sending him away. I feel so sad to know he is going to be with a stranger all day long. On top of that I am having these crazy thoughts go through my head, like, "what if she takes off with her kids and takes Noah with her and I never see him again" or "what if someone is there I don't know and somebody molests him". I know these are extreme, but these are the things I keep thinking. Third, I want so desperately to be a stay-at-home mom, and yet sometimes I wonder if I can do it. I know we can't financially swing it, but I also wonder if I would be good at it. Like, would I stimulate him enough educationally and would I also be good at disipline and things like that?
I am tired too. We actually just got back from a trip down to Washington DC on Saturday. I had to go for a work conference and since I am still BFing my husband and Noah came along. I was really looking forward to getting away. Well, as it turns out Noah got pretty sick while we were there and slept no longer than a 1-hour stretch during any of the nights we were there. In fact, we ended up cutting our stay a night short because we were all pretty miserable from the sleep deprivation. I think it's quite ironic that he has never been sick before and the one time he gets sick is when we go on our first real trip together. Oh well, I suppose there is always next time. The hotel we stayed at was very nice, it was the Mayflower Renaissance Hotel and we got the 1-bedroom suite. I am glad we did, because it gave us more room to move around. I was perplexed when I was packing about whether to bring the swing (very large and bulky), the exersaucer, the play mat....in the end we didn't bring any of those items and I am glad we didn't. He would have barely have used them, and we already had a full car between everything else.
